Russian style wedding

Please find some interesting information regarding the Russian style wedding

The wedding ceremony in today’s Russia is as modern as it is traditional, for it goes back to the country’s distant pagan past. Wedding ceremonies in Russia these days routinely feature stretch limousines alongside horse-drawn troikas, civil marriage registers are sealed with church weddings, and prenuptial agreements coexist with dowries. In a word, age-old folk customs linger on, although they do transform in the course of time, taking on new features and connotations.

Long ago, the Russian wedding ceremony was a lengthy, original, poetic and highly musical event. It was a kind of event, which could safely be called a folk theatre performance. Typically, things would get started like this.

Before arranging for any matchmaking, the bridegroom’s family had someone among them do the rounds of the village. Preferably, such a person would be a gregarious old lady (“sváha”), who could be relied upon to visit the desired house on one pretext or another and check the situation. Actually, it was not an easy job: the family of the bride-to-be could figure out what she was up to and dismiss her overtures out of hand. But they did not, they would expect matchmakers any day now.

The main characters of the wedding ceremony were the bride, the bridegroom, their parents, godparents, bridesmaids, the best man, and the bride’s and groom’s kinsfolk. Also part of the ceremony, neighbours and other villagers would provide audience participation through all marriage rites.

The ceremony would consist of several stages.

Matchmaking. This was an opening gambit in a wedding game that would last for many days. Basically, anybody could play matchmaker: the bridegroom’s father, godfather, other family members, or just a respected figure in the community.

Matchmaking normally took place on a Wednesday or Friday. In many villages, especially in northern Russia, matchmakers were lashed with belts or horsewhips to make sure they succeeded; upon leaving the house or crossing village limits, matchmakers would draw a line behind themselves lest they returned home empty-handed.

In the bride’s house, matchmakers never sat up to the table unless invited to do so, nor would they go ahead with the proposal, opting instead for various indirect expressions like “You’ve got the goods, we’ve got the merchant”.

If the bride’s parents happened to actually like the bridegroom, they would put on a samovar and agree on the next meeting. At first, they would have tea all between themselves; the bride-to-be was only invited when the matter was settled.

If the bride’s father and mother preferred to turn down the proposals, they had plenty of subtle signals to indicate that, like hinting at the bride’s early age, or not asking the matchmakers to the table, or putting a broom or a pumpkin by the door – both symbols of refusal.

About a week after the matchmaking came the “propoy”, an event where the bridesmaids and the bridegroom’s relatives and friends gathered in the bride’s house. They’d bring along bliny (pancakes), chicken, and the bridegroom’s mother would bake some cakes and pastries. The bridegroom himself was not coming anywhere near the bride at the point, but the future relatives sat down with his family to dine, wine, dine and sing.

Young girls weren’t invited to the table either – their place was in the corner of the hut, next to the stove. There they could play and settle various issues relating to the wedding. The bride-to-be charged the bridesmaids with jobs they had to finnish by the time of the wedding: some had to sew a gown, some to do some embroidery, some to knit stockings.

After the ”propoy” came the betrothal (engagement). That, again, took place in the bride’s house and it was the night of engagement. Again, it was attended by the bridegroom’s matchmakers, family and, now, the bridegroom came over as well. The guests brought along their meals wrapped in bundles – pastries, chicken, jellied meat. The bridegroom’s family presided over the whole affair, the kids were sent away, for example, to the kitchen, where they could feast all on their own.

Next the bride’s family cleared the table and laid it again, this time with their own food. Then the bride and groom were called in. If they were not acquainted, they were introduced to each other. They were offered a glass of “brazhka” (mash-beer). The bride was to refer to her father-in-law as just father, mother-in-law, mother, etc. The groom introduced his family and the bride hers.

Right after the “propoy” and the betrothal, the bride’s family visited the groom’s house “to see the place and the bed”, where the couple would sleep as husband and wife. Men solemnly examined the farm, evaluating the cattle and haystacks.

Bridesmaids visited the bride to help her to get the dowry ready. The family also helped. The best gifts were due to the bridegrooms’s parents and godparents; that was usually an embroidered shirt for each person. The gifts for the groom were an embroidered belt, a white shirt edged with silk ribbons, and knit stockings, socks and mittens.

The bridegroom’s presents for the bride-to-be were usually leather-sole shoes, a new sheepskin coat, a comb, mirror and pair of earings. Wedding rings of old were basically shiny three kopeck copper coins with a big hole drilled in the middle.

The bride and groom might wait a year or longer for the actual wedding, because it took time to prepare presents for the groom and all his family. In many families, dowries for girls were collected from the age of seven. Once the “chest was full”, marriage was organised in short order to avoid gossip. Normally, girls were given away at 16 or 17, past the age, they were increasingly on the shelf.

“Devichnik” occurred the night before the wedding and began as strictly girls-only affair. Typically, the “banya” (bath) was warmed up, the bridesmaids gathered around and the bride-to-be, dressed her in a long gown and led her to the banya for a ritual ablution.

Then the bridesmaids began to wait for the groom’s arrival. It was custom for the bridegroom to say “Lead out the princess!” She was led out, supported by a sister-in-law and a sister on either side. The bride was very solemnly dressed in a tunic dress and a sheepskin coat, with a shawl under her arm, she also wore silver and amber necklaces, rings, bracelets and earrings of precious metals.

The groom would come up, say hello and then, suddenly, tug at her braid and shout “Whose daughter are you?” More bossy bridegrooms seemed to enjoy that part: they would tug at the braid hard and also take advantage of the opportunity to step on her toes, which could be painful. The bride had to endure all that, replying meekly something like: “I’m Alekseyevna after my father’s name”. Then the groom would give her a kiss on the lips and step aside: his time hasn’t come yet.

The bride then would take a ribbon out of her braid and give it to her best girl-friend as a ritual gift. Often, a bride would weep bitterly over her girlhood, family and friends, anxious to be spared trouble in future.

Late at night, a few boys or men joined the “devichnik” to pick up the bride’s presents for the groom – the shirt, the embroidered belt, the pants, socks, mittens and a kerchief. These people’s arrival was the start of the wedding. If they were pleased with the reception, the whole wedding would hopefully go well.

In the morning, before the wedding service, the groom’s kith and kin gathered at his place trying hard to surprise one another. Carts were decorated with ribbons and flowers, with the seats covered with bright towels.

The bridegroom never rode the leading horse, nor traveled on the leading cart (or sleigh in the winter). The bride’s people tried to block the way to the procession – to light bonfires, fire rifles or strew linseed all around the place.

The meeting of the groom’s procession was a big show. The bride’s parents barred the gate and locked all doors so the best man had to knock for a long time, pretending to be storming into the house. After all that bickering was done the members of the procession were allowed into the house; from that moment the bride was considered ransomed.

In church. Normally, the bride and groom traveled to church separately, only joining arm in arm in the house of worship. Icons were placed on the altar, to the Savior in front of the groom and to the Blessed Virgin in front of the bride.

From church the wedding procession would make its way to the bridegroom’s house. Now the husband and wife traveled together. The wife’s hair was doubled and braided on the back of her head. From then on, the couple was referred to as the “young ones”.

While the bride’s hair was done, her family, led by godmother, brought along the dowry: the bedding and the chest. A poor bride’s chest would only contain some dresses and gifts, but a well-to-do one’s would be bursting with gowns, knit woolen stockings, homespun tablecloths, icon covers, towels etc. And bedding would include featherbeds, duvets and soft pillows.

Part of a conventional wedding was a sit-down meal, where, often, the bride and groom would sit on cushions with one fur coat thrown over their shoulders; they might also share a spoon and bowl. The feast featured a very varied menu and boundless merriment.

Nobody was expected to weep for the bride anymore, so songs at that stage were mostly lively and humorous; there was plenty of dance, amusements and buffoonery. Russian party heartily, which often means they get so drunk they may go violent, gushy, or both. The celebration continued until dawn.

The following day everyone crowded into the house to see how the bridegroom would thank his mother-in-law. One way involved fried eggs: everyone watched whether he picked up a bit of the pan at the edge – which meant the bride had remained a virgin until wedlock – or in the middle, which meant, well, that she had not. The son-in-law paid money for the fried eggs, putting a scarf on top for the mother-in-law.

A Russian wedding would go on for two, often three days, first at the groom’s place, then the bride’s. It was fun all the way: one particular favourite was kidnapping the wife. Buffoonery, singing songs and other amusements supplied additional good mood.

If the wedding continued into a third day, that had to be discussed in advance, usually during the betrothal. Sometimes, the best man entertained everyone on the third day, but more commonly, everyone gathered at the groom’s and then made their way to the bride’s place, so there were always two dinners.

The wedding always ended at the bride’s place, where it began. That was the way the rite was completed.

The party was over, but it left an indelible memory for the whole life.